sleep is for the weak!

It's 1:44am right now.

Why am I not in bed snoozing away?

I gave up doing english questions just so I could sleep at a "reasonable" hour.

But here I am instead.

Thought I'd do a little sequel to the story of the defence force lady. Well anyways, true to her word, she called back the next day. Seeing as the thought about asking the peeps whether they wanted to go to that workshop completely slipped my mind, I was very much thankful that I had 2 missed calls from their number. God knows what would've happened if I had actually answered. Probably laying in a trench somewhere contracting trench foot and tuberculosis.

My train of thought has encountered some major delays. Expect it to be cleared in the next few days. Most likely tomorrow. Same time.

N-O, NO!

If the events of yesterday and today have proven to be anything, it's that I can't say 'no'. In other words, I can't be assertive and reject someone. Especially when I'm minding my own business and you come out of nowhere asking me for something. My brain just shuts down and I say 'yes'.I won't deny that my brain is a tad slow at processing things and I need a moment to think of a coherent response.

But anyways, this is what happened. Whilst buying a ticket with a $20 note and receiving a truckload of coins, a man (who was smoking might I add) approached me and asked for $2. Normally when I see those people, my initial thought is that they'll spend the money on cigarettes, so I shouldn't feel obliged to give them money. However, seeing as this was my first encounter and being mentally slow, that thought hid under a rock somewhere, and that man walked away $2 richer. Next scenario; I was waiting in maccas for my food and the man that was about to order asked if I could lend him a $1, as I was taking the money out of my pocket he said $2 instead. In my hand I had a $1 coin and a $2 coin, I wasn't sure if he saw the $2 coin so in case he did, I handed him the $2. 

Today, we were discussing about the new English tutor with my current tutor and he asked if I wanted him to join our next lesson. Being the indecisive nut that I am I just said "yeah, ok". And then guess what? I wasn't sure if he was being serious or not, but he was going on about how I didn't like him as a teacher and crap like that. Sorry dude, you were the one that asked ok? After talking to Maria about it, I realised what a stupid decision that was to accept his offer. 

Moving on to another chapter of my poorly made decisions tale, the lady from the defence force called and asked if I wanted to attend one of their workshops, and surprise, surprise. Guess what I said? If you guessed that I said yes, then you're finallly catching on! yaay! But thankfully, with an ounce of reason still left in me, I told her I'd call her back because I wanted to ask my friends first. Hopefully when she calls tomorrow, I'll be able to tell her that I'm not interested. 

the world is your oyster.

Maybe this is typical hormonal teenage behavior, but recently I've been feeling rather anxious and apprehensive of the future. I don't consider myself an optimist or a pessimist, but more of a realist.
I'd like to be more optimistic, but realistically that's not going to happen. 
Although I consider myself a realist, a part of me wishes "2012" will happen.
Yes, I want an apocalypse.
 Because seriously, I don't think can handle the pressure of the preliminaries, assessments and worst of all HSC. I know I wouldn't be having these mental breakdowns if I've prepared for it, but seeing the rate that I'm studying now, and the effort I put in to my work, I'm doomed to fail. On Monday I had a moment of self reflection and come to realise how much I've fallen behind. This wasn't a "bing! light bulb" kind of thing, I was actually organising my school books and realised how much I didn't remember. So anyways, like for most situations I had an internal "therapy session" and I am now somewhat determined and motivated to use the last seven days of the holidays to catch up on as much as I can!

I just realised that the title doesn't really suit the emotional content of this blog post.

cheers!

It's been almost a month since I last posted on this blog. Sorry for abandoning you once again. I'm not going to bore you with what I've been up to the past 30 days since it was just assessments, stress and more assessments! But I will share with you yesterday's events!

It was Durga's 16.5 birthday partaye! The day began with me taking the bus from Liverpool to Minto. And shittyrail, you've done it again! It's bad enough that there's trackwork (kinda), but at least make the buses run on time!! Seriously, I was standing behind a VERY affectionate couple for 15 minutes. But the couple's friend probably felt worse than I did. No one likes being the awkward third wheel. So guess who I saw at the station? Kristen! We actually sat together on the bus and conversed. Thirty minutes later, I finally arrived at Minto and met with Raymond and Tony. Being the fatties that we are, we decided to make a "short" stop at Hungry Jacks! Oh! On our way to Hungry Jacks we walked past St James Ministry, what a coincidence since Raymond, Lauren and I were dressed as nuns!

It was around 6 when we left Hungry Jacks and entered into the shadow lands, otherwise known as the streets of Minto. I am not kidding you guys, but that was not a pleasant experience. We even devised a plan back at Hungry Jacks if we were to ever encounter these scenarios:

1. Interested in females = Trip Anita, yell "free vagina" and run away

2. Interested in males = Trip Tony, yell "free penis/asshole" and run away

3. Cannibal = Trip Raymond, yell "free meat" and run away

To think that it couldn't get any worse, well, it did. The newly built streets were infinitely worse. I put it down to the eerily lit streets! Thankfully Durga's dad came and rescued us! Turns out, we were walking down the wrong street LOL! (thanks tony). But we all made it to her house in one piece and that's all that matters :)

At the beginning of the party everyone was being awkward turtles because macfielders were standing around the stairs and kitchen, whilst the hurlstonians were practising dance moves and eating. At one point, we wanted to have a flashmob to "get the party started". Buuuuuut we didn't. The rest of the night consisted of dancing, resting, dancing, resting and cake, more dancing and yeah, you catch my drift!

THANK YOU DURGA! 

frustration!!!!!!

As you can tell by the excessive exclamation marks, that I am not in the calmest of moods. Is it PMS? The weather? Or just the usual teenage angst? I don't kn- All of the above! Eugh. Just eugh. I'm eughing about my lack of memory. OK. What am I rambling on about here? So one miraculous night, I witnessed a shooting star. Albeit lasting only for a split second, it was possibly the closest thing to magic that I'll encounter. I know, I know, it's science, not magic. But how often do you get to witness such a thing? But anyways, I'm frustrated at the fact that I can't seem to find the diary that I recorded the date and details in (yes i have a diary). So initially I  had an idea that I would record all the significant moments and events that happened in that diary, since I already had my shooting star moment in it already. Actually, I found the diary, but the entry wasn't in it. I seriously have no idea where else I would've written it :/ Luckily, I remember the time I saw it! And amazingly enough it was at 11:11pm. I think I told a few people about it, but after endless searching through chat logs, still  no luck. I don't know why I'm spending my time searching for it, when I have copious amounts of homework to do. I know I have it somewhere, but the odds are really not in my favour :(

sunday morning

Yes, yes. I know this post may be slightly overdue since Sunday was 2 days ago. But in my defense, my hands were quite full with work. Work that should have been completed on the strike day and weekends! hahaha Anyways, seeing that I:
1. have time to spare
2. had a wonderful sunday
3. was told that blogging can help my writing skills
Here I am, happily blogging away :)

So what made my Sunday so wonderful? Salvation Army's Red Shield Appeal! If you want to read about our day, here's the link to Laura's blog as we went door knocking together!
http://takepridehavefaith.blogspot.com.au/2012/05/salvos.html

The most amusing thing that happened was knocking on a house that had One Direction's 'One Thing' playing rather loudly, and a mid 30's man answering the door. I actually stuttered when asking him for donations because it was just so overwhelming! hahaha
Unfortunately, we didn't take any photos but we can always do that next year!

Thanks guys for sharing this amazing experience with moi!

peer support!

HI EVERYONE!
The LOOOOOOOONG awaited Friday has arrived. I didn't think that it'd ever come. But it finally has!! yehyeh!! So I suppose it's time for me to catch up on my studies tv shows... hahaha I know, I know. Time is invaluable, I should use it wisely - but in my defence, I haven't watched anything this entire week and I well and truly deserve a break!

So today, instead of having English in the morning, we had peer support instead. And it was by far our most fun, casual, yet intimate sessionwe've had! I can honestly say, that I've grown fond of each and every one of my "kids". What's so great about our group, is that even though they would rather be off playing basketball or bullrush, that don't complain (that much) about doing work, and get it done. Well sort of, since we're not anal about getting every single activity done. But anyways, a substitute leader joined our group today and I won't name names (it was Zane) and somewhat disrupted our group. Let's just say he wasn't exactly favoured amongst the kids and a slight argument arose. Personally, I think that what he did was totally immature. Since he is the older and more "mature" one, he should know when enough is enough and that the kid was obviously upset. Quite ironic how today's session was about bullying and resolving conflict. Later, we had a big game of bull rush/octopus, but soon the other groups decided to be cool like us and have fun, so we went back to do the upcoming sessions, so we could play games the next time. We actually managed to finish everything with time to spare. We spent the remainder of the session discussing bullies, the repercussions of our actions and the "p" word. Might I add, that Laura you are very inspirational. I really hope the kids benefited from that session and learnt some valuable life lessons.

You know that warm, fuzzy feeling you get when you've achieved something? Well that's how I felt after today. I really hope I've impacted them in some way and that they understand peer support and the leaders aren't just a waste of time and that we're there to help them :)